foxchasefive.com

I do declare; this SEARCH thing must be a cult. Perhaps I just cannot comprehend the notion of religious awakening, or whatever it was, because I was raised without an organized religion. Maybe I would understand if I believed in a god, if I belonged to a tight-knit community of people who shared my beliefs. But I don’t get it, so my interpretation of SEARCH is that its sole purpose is to brainwash high school-aged children.

CULT TRAIT #1: RELIGIOUS MOVEMENT
Colloquially, cults are not necessarily religious. But screw colloquialism! I love my dictionary, and my dictionary tells me that cults are associated with religious movements. Whatever this SEARCH thing is, it is somehow related to the Catholic Church and, from what I gather, was some kind of religious “awakening.” Awakening…or being blinded?

CULT TRAIT #2: MATCHING AMULETS
Amulets, necklaces, same thing. Every single person who participated in SEARCH this past weekend came to school on Monday wearing a wooden cross necklace, and no one has taken it off. Someone in my gym class refused to remove it because it was religious and was, and I quote, “a symbol of the bond I share with my community.” Strange, hmm?

CULT TRAIT #3: SECRETIVENESS
Find someone who participated in SEARCH. Ask them what happened. I can guarantee that he or she will not, under any circumstances, tell you. I thought that the idea of religious gatherings was to celebrate your beliefs. As far as I am concerned, informing others of your beliefs can be considered celebrating them. So why not tell us about this life changing experience? Did they take some kind of pledge? Because if they did, that, too, is rather cult-like!

CULT TRAIT #4: LOVE FOR ALL MEMBERS
Suddenly every Catholic student at Randolph High School is friends with every other one. Very, very good friends. The SEARCHlings run up to each other in the halls, embrace, and promptly depart. I would sure like to know what could have happened over the course of two days that would allow two strangers to become best friends.

Resolved: SEARCH is a cult. If someone who reads this participated in it, please let us know what happened. It’s for your own good.

By Dana Lynn Zwiebel

The recent foiled terror plot in London’s Heathrow Airport marks a monumental and (slightly) reassuring success for the intelligence agencies of the world.  Thanks to the work of Peter Clarke, the head of London’s counter-terrorism police, in combination with communication mistakes between the twenty-some-odd British-born Pakistani Muslim terrorists, the 10+/- flights remained grounded and American scum was once again saved.

The day of the attacks, all airports across the pond demanded that passengers carry only absolutely necessary carry-on items in clear plastic bags.  This seems reasonable enough, not knowing how many more of “them” were in the nation’s airports.  Today US federal officials banned all passengers from bringing liquids onto planes with the exception of milk and juice for young children, as well as liquid medications.  Ridiculous, I say!

Anyone who has ever flown with me knows that I go through a liter of bottled water while in flight.  There’s no real reason behind this other than my slight OCD and love of Poland Spring natural spring water.  There are surely other people like myself who simply need a steady supply of something to drink.  And what about the passengers who buy drinks at the terminal?  Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, and Cinnabon all sell deliciously cool and refreshing iced beverages that are bought by thousands of people every day.  If someone doesn’t have it in them to finish their Venti Java Chip Frappucino, they’ll be forced to throw it out.  Wasteful?  Absolutely.  But my gosh, think of the explosives that could have been mixed in with that chilled coffee beverage!  Thousands of lives will be saved by throwing out perfectly good coffee.  Airport security should be especially cautious about anything from Dunkin Donuts.  Those Muslim donut servers have it in for us.  And what of the milk, juice, and medicine?  Federal officials are out of their minds if they think they should allow young children to imbibe these fluids.  And that old man who “needs” his medicine?  He’s a terrorist too.

In short, this whole no-beverage thing is a ridiculous short-term fix.  Allowing this liquid but not that one will accomplish absolutely nothing.  Terrorists are not dumb people.  How long will it take them to put their explosive liquids into medicine bottles and Juicy Juice boxes?  I can’t believe that there isn’t some simple tox-screen that opened bottles can be subjected to.  A pH or phenolphthalein test would suffice to an extent (who says I don’t pay attention in chem?).  Until then, we’re all barred from having our water.  And you know what?  I want my water.

-Dana Lynn Zwiebel